Monday, November 28, 2011

Catsration

I have a cat, ironically a Ginger cat, didn’t get him Ginger on purpose but found it very useful to have someone Ginger back at home to make fun of.
Owning a cat made me realize I love women who love cats.
What’s there not to love in a woman that loves feeding, cleaning and cuddling a furry animal that doesn’t give a shit about her and just sees her as a giant heat?
The gap between her cat and what I could become in that type of relationship isn’t that big is it?
I’ll just miaou when I’m hungry, and sit on the couch and lick my own balls infront of her, and she’d be going “Oh….You’re so cute...” …
-“I know, now go make me food woman”

Though, I must admit  that if the fantasy of licking my own balls comes true, I doubt I’d be licking my own asshole like that little fuck does, at least not infront of people…

Can you imagine two cats seeing eachother….
“What dyou do last night?”
“Oh man, I was giving my self the best rimjob ever when that dickhead showed up”
Think about it for a second, your cat is there  giving him self a nice rimjob, cause its probably the only action he can get since YOU cut off his balls (Which in my view it’s kind of unforgivable, but again they don’t give a fuck about anything: “Oh you cut my balls?mmm big fucking deal, MIAOU, I’m hungry”)
so he’s giving him self a nice rim job when all of sudden you show up and start cuddling him… Now your cat definitely thinks your gay….Gives you that look he gives you when he catches you jerking off, “What the fuck are you doing man?That looks like fun, wish I still had my pair of balls so I could do same. Dickhead!”
That’s when your cat probably goes politician on you
“When one of you damn humans rapes one  of it’s own (or one of my kind) he gets jailed for a few years and that’s it story over.
I just peed on your couch and you’ve already castrated me and gave me life sentence.”
That is why I believe that when you own a cat, you’re probably up for pedophiles castration, I mean, a creature just sprayed some pee on your furniture and you’re already like “Ok, that’s it, I’m taking you to the doctor”, giving yourself shit excuses, “You know, if I don’t cut your balls off you’ll be running away from home trying to fuck every pussy available”
-Miaou, so why didn’t they cut your balls off when you were 16?
-I didn’t run away trying to fuck any pus… Just shut up I have the food I decide.
Which made me remember that hitler loved animals… yet thought jews were animals but he hated them, but he loved real animals…But jews weren’t really animals… I think the guy shot him self in the head when he couldn’t answer that question.

Well the cat eventually finds a way to fuck you back… he will come up to you in bed and start doing that “grrrr grrr grrr I’m-so-gay-with-you-right-now bullshit” and right when you’re falling asleep he will go to the living room and start its tests with gravity… yes yes… cats don’t give a fuck but theyre curious about anything unrelated to you…They are like little furry Newtons
 “Oh,look, when I push this ashtray BING… That’s intriguing... I wonder if anything else on this shelf is tighed to the laws of gravity…”
Now, once the gravity science test is over, little furry thing jumps to the floor and realizes “WOW, look at all this stuff I can just push around the room for three and half hours and three oclock in the morning”
I love my cat

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Crap

If

Well if I was to die tonight, tell them I'm not ready, tell them I've still got things to do, tell them we got something planned just me and you.
If I was to leave this place, tell them I'm not done packing, not so ready about up there, there's things I need to finish.
No don't tell them I'm the only one, they must hear all the time, don't tell them about our love 'cause that can make'em jeallous, and don't tell them I got people up there, people I hope still care, just tell them I am busy, trying to figure out this place and I can't leave it all messy.

If I was to go tonight, my words aren't even ready. I need to have one final speech, one final way to say it, find the perfect lyrics, tell them I'm not ready.

If they take me anyway, you know what I have left behind, try to erase me from your mind 'cause I don't want  it painful, I want you to stay with that smile and spank them with cynism, and tell them they are dumb, just don't tell them I was lazy.
Tell them about the good sides, about the times I made you laugh, tell them about my dumb ideas, about the crazy things I did and could've done, just don't tell them how I was lazy.